Screw Up
by mattavocadoatlaw
Summary: "I'm startin' to remember all these things," Stan said. "Your project, the portal, everything. I can't be Stanley Pines. I can't be that screw up!" In which Stan regains some of his memories, but he's not sure he likes all of them. (Ford POV)


"Heya, Sixer."

His brother's voice snapped Ford out of his reverie. Stanley was watching him, still in his suit, though the kids had long since fell asleep. It had only been a few days since Weirdmageddon ended, since Bill was defeated. Since his brother's mind was destroyed by a trigger Ford himself pulled. "Hello, Stanley."

For some reason, his brother huffed at that phrase. Then, he leaned over, looking at the photo in Ford's hand. "This is us? When we were kids, right?"

Ford guided his brother's hands toward the photo of the two of them on the Stan-O-War as young boys. "Yes, Stanley," he said, trying to assess his twin's reaction. He felt a little guilty, treating Stanley with kid gloves, but the situation was completely unprecedented. Even Fiddleford had his entire mind slowly wiped, little bits crumbling away till nothing remained. But Stanley lost all his memories in one fell swoop. He was gaining them back, yes, but any reminder of his past could startle him. Ford couldn't take that risk.

"You see," he pointed to little Stanley, his face wide with a smile that hadn't faded, even after years in the multiverse. "There's you. It was our dream to sail on that boat, to go on adventures-"

"It never happened, did it?"

"And to-what?" Stan faced the ground, fists clenched. His jaw was tight; and Ford could recognize it as the expression his brother had when he wanted to fight something. "I-no, it didn't happen. But that's okay. Life just got complicated, and we didn't know how to deal with it."

Stan snorted. "Yeah, right." He paused, his angry appearance waning for a moment. "Sixer, am I really Stanley Pines?"

"Of course you are." Ford was a little surprised at the question. When the kids informed Stan of his identity, he seemed to believe them. He never appeared doubtful that he was who they said he was. "Look in the mirror, Stanley-we're identical. There's no way we could be anything but twins."

"I know-"

"Stan, do you remember something? If you have doubts about your identity, I can run genetic tests to prove you're Stanley Pines."

Laughter. "Stop gettin' all scientific with me, nerd. But I'm not Stanley Pines, am I? I can't be. I don't got his memories. We can't really be the same person when you get down to it."

Ford paused. He didn't like those types of questions-in fact, philosophy was his least favorite class at Backupsmore. But the thought had been nagging him ever since they found Stan in that clearing. What was a person, besides the sum of their memories? Stan was regaining his memories, but even if they all come back, would he still be the same? After all, the brother he knew never had amnesia. He never woke up in a forest, alone and unsure of his own name. Did that make him a different person?

He shook his head. The man in front of him was Ford's brother. He had the same gruff voice, sarcastic jokes, and tender affection for Dipper and Mabel that he tried to hide, but everyone knew was there. "No. You are Stanley Pines. Even if you don't have all your memories, you still have most of your mannerisms. You're the same person." Ford smiled. "You're my hero, and my brother."

Stan shook his head, and started to frantically pace around the kitchen. "No, I can't be him," he whispered. "No, no, no."

"Stanley, are you alright?"

"STOP CALLING ME THAT!"

Ford almost fell out of his seat in shock. "What?"

His brother's pacing grew quicker. "I'm startin' to remember all these things," Stan said. "Your project, the portal, everything. I can't be Stanley Pines. I can't be that screw up!"

Ford was silent. How could Stan think of himself like that? After he'd sacrificed himself, saving the world in the process? "Stan, don't say that about yourself. You're not a screw up. You made mistakes, yes, but so does everyone else."

Stan chuckled. "Mistakes. A mistake is crashing your car into someone's house. A mistake is not ruining someone's future, then comin' back and shoving them into a portal to another goddamn dimension. I-I ruined your life, Ford. I destroyed everything you cared about, and you're treating me like a hero."

"Stanley, the project and the portal were both accidents. I'm not angry about it anymore. And you are a hero. You were willing to lose your memory to defeat Bill-"

"Which only happened 'cause I screwed up your magic circle."

"You remember the Zodiac?" Ford hoped he didn't remember the "Grammar, Stanley" comment. He winced at his past immaturity.

"The kids told me about it." Stan leaned against the kitchen table. "I just remember making mistake after mistake. But I don't wanna do that. I don't want to ruin things for you, or for the kids-"

Ford got up out of his seat, and wrapped his arm around his brother's shoulders. "Stanley, you're not the only one who made mistakes. I was the one who made the deal with Bill in the first place, who built the portal. Hell, I was the one who started the fight in the basement, even though I should've known better than to fight near the portal. Would you call me a screw up?" Ford would call himself that, but that wasn't the point.

"No," Stan said. "No, I wouldn't."

The two brothers stood in silence for a few moments. Ford rubbed circles into his brother's back, like he did when Stan got the flu as a kid. Ma told him to stay away, and Ford knew he could get the disease too, but he didn't care when he saw his brother in pain. Stanley was all that mattered to him at that time.

It was the same now. Stan sighed after awhile, and leaned into the touch. "It's just-there's so many things going on in my head right now. I feel these things-this love, I guess, for you, for the kids-but I don't know why. I only met you and the kids a few days ago, but I know I'd do anything for you. And I remember messing things up so many times, and I can't live with the thought of doing it again."

Ford closed his eyes. How many times had he thought of Stanley the same way-as a screw up, a failure? He felt the guilt creeping up inside him. If Stan were a screwup, he wouldn't have sacrificed himself, saving Ford in the process. They wouldn't be having this conversation right now, with Ford desperately trying to get his brother to see his own self-worth. "Stanley, you're not going to mess things up. Even if you make a mistake, the kids, Soos, Wendy, and I will all be there for you. I won't make the same mistake I did thirty years ago."

Stanley looked at him, confused.

"I won't abandon you. No matter what happens, I promise that I'll never leave you behind."

Stan laughed. "I guess I am Stanley Pines after all. I don't think anyone else could'a had a nerdier brother."

Ford held out his hand. "High six?"

"High six."


End file.
